#1 You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog because you don’t regurgitate your food and you have no umwelt.
According to an early-20th-century German biologist, to understand an animal you must begin by “considering their umwelt . . . their ‘self-world.'”
You’re a hound dog because you’re too self-centered.
Now, the regurgitation part. Dogs evolved from wolves who ran in packs and ripped the guts out of prey (remember Leo DiCaprio in “The Wolf of Wall Street”…skip this trailer if you saw the movie, and move on…)
Alpha wolves regurgitated parts of their kill so beta wolves wouldn’t starve (does this sound like The New York Stock Exchange yet?)
You’re a hound dawg because you’re not caring enough.
This wisdom comes from one of our cast members, writer and canine cognition guru Alexandra Horowitz, whose deep research reveals that dogs (and probably cats and partners) look into our eyes for information, reassurance and guidance. They are staring, soulfully, into our umwelts. Even more helpful to all you lovers out there: when dogs interact with humans their behavior is similar to the timing patterns among mixed-sex strangers flirting. WOW. Reset. Recalibrate. Before your next date. Before you walk your dog.
Here’s Alexandra on how to interact with your dog
#2 You ain’t nothing but a hound dawg because…you haven’t told enough of your friends to support this campaign.
Huckleberry Finn, one of our most generous backers, is awesome, as is his human partner and another of our cast members, Gayatri Devi, a neurologist who is to humans as Alexandra is to dogs. Repair your umwelt by reading Gayatri’s book, A Calm Brain.
#3 You ain’t nothin but a hound dawg because… you ain’t caught a rabbit.
We could tell you more about how Elvis ripped off the great Willie Mae “Big Mama” Thornton’s 1953 Peacock Records original recording but it’s in the wee hours and we’re trashed. Instead, we’ll just post the two performances and let you choose (we vote for Willie Mae, sorry Elvis.)
versus, the great…
…who was ripped off by Janis Joplin (you have to find that video by yourself)
SO DON’T BE A HOUND DOG, PEOPLE, Post us on your social media
Dedicated to Barney Rosset, that great hound dog and censorship-buster who could not abide a leash